The Delight of Loving My Husband/The Blessing of Loving My Children (Ch. 2 & 3) - Crystal

With the Easter holiday, I seem to find myself rather behind. Therefore, since what I was struck by in these two chapters is connected anyway, I decided to just post them together.

There are still times when I look at my husband, and I am struck anew by just how much I love him, how much I delight in him. However, these times are fewer and farther between than they were a couple of years ago before we were blessed with children. Most of the time I feel so overwhelmed with the demands of our children (ages 20 mo. & 9 mo.) and sometimes life in general that I find myself struggling with undeserved resentment, frustration, or annoyance toward my husband rather than delight, tenderness, and affection. I love him more every day, but somehow I've let my own sinful thoughts get in the way of expressing this love tenderly and affectionately on a regular basis. Over the last week or so, I've really focused on catching my "less than loving" thoughts before they have a chance to take hold in my heart. The difference has been very noticeable. While I still have a long way to go, I am at least more conscious of just how many of my own faults need attention, rather than dwelling on my husband's. I am also more conscious of just how much these sinful thoughts/emotions interfere with showing him affectionate love, with delighting in him, with prizing him.

And, now on to Chapter 3. I love my children dearly. I love being their mom. I love the fact that I am blessed with the opportunity to stay at home with them full time. But, lately I've struggled more than a little with loving my job as a stay-at-home mom. I have never had a job so demanding and so exhausting and so unending. Chapter 3 was just as needed in my life as Chapter 2. I don't know how many times over the last couple of weeks, that I've again caught my thoughts going somewhere they shouldn't - self-pity, selfishness, or impatience to name a few. During those times when I catch myself with sinful thoughts, I have endeavored instead to repeat part of Psalm 127 - children are a heritage, a reward, a blessing. During the times when they frustrate me, I remember that they are my reward from God. I look into their little faces and I am reminded of how much I love them and that God has entrusted them to me and my husband to bring up in the way they should go.

The last couple of months haven't been easy - we are expecting our third child and I have been sick most of the pregnancy; my husband is in his first year of a new job with many new adjustments for our family; my father also passed away recently; my "alone time" with God has dwindled down to next to none. All these things have challenged me in my thought life and much of what Chapters 2 & 3 did for me was to remind me of just how diligent I need to be in taking every thought captive - in regard to my husband, our children, our circumstances. These chapters also challenged me in a new way to once again make sure I am spending time with God in His Word the way I should be.

Chapter 2- Chelsie

This week I had an "aha" moment while reading chapter two. The section where Mahaney talked about our emotions being a *sin alarm* was very profound and significant to me. I had never considered my emotions from this angle before. Instead of viewing them as a curse, I now see my emotions as a gift from God, sent to alert me to the sin welling up inside of me before it spills out of my mouth.

This weekend my mother is visiting from out of state. Her visits are rare, about one trip to see us every 2 years for the birth of each of my children. These visits tend to be exhausting and emotionally overwhelming to me for a variety of reasons which are of no consequence to this discussion. My reading of chapter two was so timely and helpful. Each time I've felt myself getting irritable, snippy or overly cranky I remember to listen to my sin alarm and take a timeout. I've been using the timeouts to examine my own sin and ask God for a new heart.

I have taken great comfort in the verse from 1 Corinthians 10:13 this week:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Although the past few days haven't been a joy or a breeze, I do feel a huge difference in my own disposition. I am not stewing in my own bad temper and sinning left and right with my tongue, tone and mood. I am really enjoying this book and am finding great benefit to this discussion blog. Thanks for letting me be a part of it!!

Chapter 2- Patti

FYI. I saved my chapter one as a draft and still waiting for help on how to retrieve my document. I will post it as soon as I find out. Sorry.

As I reflected on this chapter, I was so thankful how the Lord has grown me since the start of my marriage. It was a rough start due to my expectations and sin. I so expected him to be someone he was not and we bud heads due to my stubbornness. After 6 months tension between us, the Lord soverignly ordained that my husnband be delpoyed to Utah for one year. The timing could not have been more perfect. Prior to him leaving, we attempted to be at peace but there was still tension and sin I had in my heart. I truly feel that the sin in my heart has affected my love for my husband. I was so self-centered and can relate to what Carolyn said about how her husband was more concerned with his ministry than with her.

We decided to remodel our kictchen. while he was gone. Big mistake. We added more fire to the fuel. The job was so bad that we had to ask a friend to interceed on my husband behalf. Looking back, I know the time away served it's purpose. Although, the remodeling went sour the Lord provided another contractor to finish the job. But not only that, the Lord exposed my sin and rebellion. I learned how selfish I was and how much my husband loves me. He made so many trip late into the night to spend time with me. He was so heavy burden with our situation. I have failed to guard my heart against sin and failed to prize, cherish and enjoy him. Prior to my husbands return, I had repented and was taking my thoughts captive to the obdience of Christ. Eph 4: 8 says finally brethren, whaterver is true, whatever is honorable whatever is just, whaterver is pure, whaerver is lovely, whatever is commenable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worth of praise , thinks on these thing. That was a memory verse I used to combat the sin of expectation. The Lord has taught me that my expectation was sinful and wrong. I was hurting my husband and failing to honor him. In my failure I was dishonoring the Lord. Upon this realization, I was so humble and repentant for allowing myself to give into the flesh. I started to change my thinking and desired to honor my husband. My expectation of my husband chaged and I started to see the man I fell in love with.

It's been 6 years now and we are in our second deployment. The Lord has taught us both to live in understanding and change our thinking about eachother. I so appreciate my husband and desire to honor him. We had a blessed time together while he was home in February. Looking back on how the Lord has changed me, I am thankful that He has given me a desire to honor my husband and look beyond myself. It is only remebering the Lord love and mercy for me that I can enjoy my husband. I am looking forward to having him home at the end of May so that I can prize, cherish and enjoy him more.

Introduction

Although I've sent this via email, I just wanted to add my introduction to the blog. I'm still learning so hoopefully it will show up.

Hi . My name is Patti. I've been married for 6 years and have toenergetic and fun boys, Jake, 4 and Josh 2. My husband is a teacher and aofficer partime in the military. He is currently overseas in Kuwait and Lordwilling will return in late May. I been attending Grace Communitychurch for 14 years. We enjoy the ministries available to help us mature inour walk with the Lord. I look forward to studying this book andgetting to know you all better. FYI. Carolyn Mahaney taught this book in a women's conference. If you would like to supplement your study with her sermon.you can find it on www.sovereigngraceministries.org. Click on Resources, type in Carolyn Mahaney in the speaker box and the rest is a matter of downlaoding for free.

Chapter 1 - Chelsie

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mother was a pastor's kid (PK) and against a host of counsel married a non-christian. She invested a great deal of time and effort into bringing me and my sibling up in a good church, all the while my father HATED God, the church and Christians. As I reached teen years our home life became increasingly bad as we were subject to control, manipulation, and emotional/verbal abuse from my father.

Life began to change for me when I left home to attend college. Away from the chaos and dysfunction of my home life I began to learn how to relate and connect with people in an meaningful way. Through God's grace I came to an amazing bible believing church. 6 years of teaching and loving mentorship with Godly women and families at that church brought me to understand the loving framework that God set out for families to follow.

I really connected with Mahaney's statements about how the world is always watching our behaviors. The women that I learned the most from in my early 20's didn't even know I was watching them. They didn't know that I was noting the way the spoke to and about their husbands, the way that they disciplined their children, the way that their ordered their lives.

In my own journey through marriage and mothering, accepting that the framework of family life laid out in scripture as the right way was the easy part, it made so much more sense than the life I had grown up in. For me the greatest struggle with Titus 2 is my own sin. When I am tired, frustrated, or sick to name a few, I fall right back into coping and responding in ways from my old life. I lack self-control, purity and kindness mainly with my children but occasionally also with my husband.

I appreciate how Mahaney isn't afraid to talk about sin. In my own life, information and knowledge is not the problem. In most situations I *known* how I should respond or act, but I fail to because I do not have a right heart and I lack self-control. In the last 6-7 months I have been greatly convicted of this pattern of sin in my life. I am so excited to continue reading this book. I feel that Mahaney's specific treatment of these 7 virtues will contribute to my personal journey of sanctification and transformation.

Transformed by Titus 2, Crystal

Whatcha Think?
Titus 2:3-5 helps us determine if what we are spending our lives on is truly important by spelling out for us what is truly important. If what we are doing does not fall within the parameters given by the text, we need to rethink it.

The Gospel is what teaches us and motivates us to desire and pursue the virtues listed in the verses above.


Going Deep
I can really relate to Carolyn's experience the most. While I do have the counsel of older godly women, I often feel very overwhelmed with the enormity of what it means to be a mom. My transition from single woman to married woman didn't seem to be as challenging as the transition from not being a mom to being a mom. I was encouraged by Carolyn's story simply because it for one reminds me that I am not alone in this huge task of raising my children, as well as also reminding me that children do grow up. Even the longest days end.

I have always believed in a wife staying home, raising her children, and maintaining the home. This is what my mom did, so I have always had a good example of what that looks like. I also believe wholeheartedly in the husband being the head of the home and the wife being submissive to him and supporting him in his leadership.


Take Home
I often think I need to be more kind, not so much to our children, but to my husband. I sometimes find myself letting him take the brunt of my poor attitude or frustration with the children if I've had a trying day at home with them. My husband said that he would like me to work on being more cheerful, which goes along with what I wrote about kindness.

I am currently a younger woman with young children. I have in the past and still do mentor younger women who are either unmarried or who are married but do not yet have children.


Grace Reminder
I struggle with being discouraged when the children are extra-needy or when they don't listen or obey. I also sometimes struggle to remember that these days in this stage of life are not just full of mundane tasks and seemingly countless challenges that children bring about. These days are designed by God as an opportunity for me to teach and love our children, to bring them up in the way they should go, to know God and His truth.

Chapter 1 - Discussion

Fun Stuff: My story is not so fun, but I can't help but think of the better choices I could have made last year when my headaches first began if I had a wise woman's counsel, such as my godly neighbor who has taught me so much in the past 12 months. I met her just weeks after I had already started down a road of medical tests and medicine doses. It took me a year to figure out that doing nothing but physical therapy was my best bet on the road to recovery! Hind-sight truely is 20-20 in my case!

Wat'cha Think? I am so glad the Lord placed the desire to be a full-time homemaker on my heart early in life. I can't imagine investing in anything more important than my children, and it makes me so sad to see so many mothers missing out on this invaluable experience (and mostly for their children too!). My only regret is that we didn't start our family earlier, waiting 5 years to pay off student loans while I was teaching. I'd much rather invested those years into my own family!

Going Deep: I can most identify with Carolyn's experience of caring for young children. It took me a while to learn to enjoy this season of life. I think the first year of adjustment to being home, after being in the workplace for five years, was the most difficult. The Lord has definitely been teaching me to be more content with being home (especially during the winter months in SD), and having health issues the past year has really taught me to be thankful for all the mundane tasks at home, and to really be grateful for every moment I get to spend with my children (even when the babe is throwing a tantrum!). I've really noticed a difference in my patience and joy when dealing with each individual child's challenges.

Since I did not grow up in a Christian home I began to value these Christian virtues early. I wanted to be a godly woman, and raise my children in a Christian home. I knew it would be difficult since I didn't have an example to follow, but for years I prayed for a spiritual leader to be my husband, and that he'd have a Christian family to grow alongside. The Lord was so gracious to answer both of those prayers when I was just twenty.

I hope to benefit from this study, by being reminded of the virtues I am to seek each day. I hope that I will be able to exemplify them for my daughter as I teach her to become a godly woman who values motherhood and homemaking!

Take Home: I am in the younger woman season of life, and I am already so blessed to have a godly woman right next store to me from which to learn. There is a group of ladies that meets at her home weekly to discuss homemaking issues and Biblical principles. I also look forward to mentoring my daughter, especially!

Grace Reminder: I think the area I am struggling with now (for the past year), has been not to be anxious for anything (re: my health and life), and to trust the Lord with the lives of my children! I would be grateful for prayers for a joyful attitude amidst my trails and to fervently trust the Lord!